mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
