Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
