i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm at about main and main street
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
