i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
