What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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