It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
