maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
