mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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