During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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