Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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