just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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