Non-Jews are for practice
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize