i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Congratulations! We have a period
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
