you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
