It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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