who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
