I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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