does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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