she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
