It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
