so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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