My brain says no but my pants say off.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
