Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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