He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
