Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
