Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
