I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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