Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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