You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
