Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
