I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
