a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
