The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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