The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
