My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it because I queefed?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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