fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize