she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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