If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's always time for handjobs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
