i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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