She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
