well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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