Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
