I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
