She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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