You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
