Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
