From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Drake has all the answers
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
