I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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