i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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