i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
