SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
