after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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