you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
