How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
