Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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