I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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