I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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