I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
