is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
