You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
