Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
