its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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