if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
