well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
