Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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