I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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