dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
