U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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