And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
