I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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