I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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