Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
