I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize