"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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