I'm gonna have a badass scar
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
