Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
