Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize