i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
