I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
