It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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