I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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