Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
