How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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