Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
