Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
