they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
