so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
