time to smoke my breakfast
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
whose parrot is this?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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