He kissed a someone with a penis
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
