Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize