just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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