I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
