Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
