Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
