Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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