so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
