What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize