so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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