She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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