DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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