We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
