No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How does one acquire holy water?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
