omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
