I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
